Chapter 1

1. Introduction: The Guide to Joyful Living

Life can be difficult and unfair. Perhaps the greatest injustice is that trials, troubles, and tragedies seem to invade our lives, often without any fault of our own. On the other hand, it seems that we must work hard to create happiness. The entertainment industry, time and again, amplifies our feelings of inadequacy by showcasing an unattainable standard of perfection, promising us a worry-free life filled with joy, beauty, love, and admiration. Scrolling through social media platforms, it seems that everybody we know appears to be living extraordinary lives as they post pictures of parties, trips, family, or anything interesting that happens to them.
Regrettably, we cannot undo our past challenges or evade future trials. Mistakes, some of which are costly, are inevitable. Whether it be a severe illness, past trauma, complicated relationships, loneliness, financial difficulties, or the deaths of those people we love, these are but a few of the tragedies that make a perfect, worry-free life impossible. Yet, truly happy people can look back on their circumstances, the good and the bad, and conclude that they had good lives. Creating a satisfying life amidst trials is a daunting task. Balancing work, family, and self-care often leaves little time for developing personal joy. Yet, despite our pressured and busy lives, it is essential to pursue activities that will foster happiness. Our choices and behaviors not only shape our future, but they can also set an example for future generations. While few of us are celebrities, we all hold significance in our spheres of influence, impacting those we love.
What is the key to living a happy life? Science has proven that humans are social animals who thrive in close interpersonal relationships. Biblical teaching emphasizes the importance of cultivating and nurturing seven essential relationships that underpin a life well-lived. These relationships are presented in the book according to their emphasis in the Bible. They encompass our relationship with God and our spouses, our attitude and relationship with money, and with children, friends, family, our bodies, and, finally, our relationship with society.
Many disparage the Bible as dated, biased, and simply not applicable to the challenges of modern-day society. The Bible reveals the wisdom of Jesus, who was compassionate, loving, humble, and kind. His tender words and profound wisdom shine from its pages. His message of empathy, kindness, and generosity is as relevant today as it was two thousand years ago. The teachings of Jesus are especially pertinent to our current society, which is becoming increasingly angry, divided, impersonal, and uncaring. The teachings of Jesus revolutionized pre-Christian society and changed society’s attitude for the better toward the status of women, the poor, and the exploited. The positive impacts of these changes are still being felt in Western culture today. This book will demonstrate that social research verifies the teachings of Jesus, where relevant studies exist. them. These conclusions will demonstrate that, regardless of religious affiliation, His teachings are appropriate, accurate, and applicable to everyone.
This book presents the teachings of the Bible in a completely new light. Social science and historical evidence will demonstrate how its authoritative wisdom can transform our lives and our eternity. Unlike most self-help books that offer specific actions, such as planning date nights or improving listening skills, Jesus taught that authentic change begins with altering our fundamental attitudes and values. By focusing on these elements that transform our inner core, His teachings transcend cultural and temporal boundaries. This approach effectively brings about real change because it addresses the core—the “heart”—from which all actions stem. For meaningful and sustainable change, the heart itself must change. The Bible is the one book that teaches us how to change the heart.
Of course, there might be some things presented in this book that you disagree with. However, you don’t walk out of a buffet because they serve something you don’t like. You move on and go to what you want. So, stay and choose what the “buffet” of Biblical wisdom offers you that will give your life purpose, direction, and sustained happiness.
The Bible has two major themes. The first theme is creating and living in a vibrant and fulfilling spiritual relationship with God. This topic is for those who are “spiritually seeking.” The second theme is living a fulfilled life and building a just and fair society. This topic is for everybody. The concept of a “fulfilled life” practiced by early Christians fostered a caring, connected, and egalitarian community. Because of this, disenfranchised people flocked to the new faith, such as the enslaved and women, who dominated the early church.1
We need to rediscover and embrace the values and lifestyles taught by Jesus and practiced in the early Christian Church. It was these practices that led to the rapid growth of Christianity, ultimately resulting in revolutionary and positive social change.
The teachings of Jesus will be examined, considering the critical social issues that plague our society. In doing so, the evidence presented will demonstrate that they remain entirely relevant to our modern lives and the current challenges we face. Collectively, in these modern times, these teachings form the most comprehensive guide to living a meaningful life.

In presenting these teachings, I quote directly from the Bible. Where possible, I evaluate these teachings in comparison to the conclusions of social science research and examine them within the historical and cultural context of the society in which Jesus lived. By doing so, there will be greater clarity to the intent of His teachings.
This book is rich in biblical teaching on relationships. It is impossible to adopt all of these into our lives, just as it is impossible to eat an entire buffet. You reflect on and adopt what you determine necessary to bring the most significant benefit to your situation. God values effort and not achievement. However, before any other, the most important relationship that we must establish in our lives is our relationship with God. Fortunately, establishing and maintaining a relationship with God is the least challenging of all our relationships. It is the only one in which we are perfectly loved.
Jesus’s teachings determine our eternal destiny and shape our happiness in this world. One intent of this book is to show that, religious or not, the more of Jesus’s teachings we implement in our lives, the happier we will be. As history and social science already demonstrate, by incorporating the wisdom of Jesus into all aspects of our lives, we will collectively be more prosperous and happier.
While Western society has not followed Christian values to the letter and is certainly not perfect, it is, by far, the most successful civilization. As this book will demonstrate, it owes much of this success to its Christian roots. As we move away from our Christian roots, it is beneficial to understand the values we are abandoning to comprehend the kind of society we are creating.

Chapter 2

2. The State of Contemporary Christianity and a Brief History of the Bible

Before we discuss what the Bible says about living our lives, it is good to have a perspective on the current state of Christianity. Additionally, a basic understanding of the Bible will provide you with essential knowledge about this book and help you comprehend its history, structure, and why Christians believe it is from a higher power.
Christianity is the world’s largest and most universally practiced religion. While many people have tried to associate Christianity with specific cultures, Christianity is not culturally specific and transcends all cultures. Furthermore, it is not a Western-based faith, as many in the West believe. Millions worldwide practice Christianity and view the Bible as a source of hope, comfort, and guidance, transcending national boundaries, racial differences, and diverse communities. Jesus’ teachings apply not only to Western society but to all peoples, races, and civilizations.
The wisdom of Jesus is the center of the Bible’s teachings and the expression of the Christian faith. Jesus was a Jewish man who lived about two thousand years ago in Judea, a province of the Roman Empire. Judea was home to the Jewish people and was located roughly in what is today the State of Israel. At one time, Judea was the ancient Jewish Kingdom of Israel. The Kingdom was conquered approximately 500 years before the birth of Jesus and subsequently occupied by various powers thereafter. Judea fell to the Romans in 63 B.C., and they ruthlessly suppressed any resistance to their rule. The territory of Judea did not return to Jewish control until 1949, when the State of Israel was established.
Many people mistakenly believe that Christianity is a “white man” or “Western” religion that has little application to other cultures and races. This sentiment is widespread because historical portrayals of Jesus are almost always of a handsome Caucasian man. However, there is little evidence that he was Caucasian, nor attractive.
Historians who have analyzed the appearance of the Jewish people of that period have determined that Jesus likely resembled a typical Middle Eastern man, with tanned skin and curly, dark hair.2 In the book of Revelation, Jesus is also described as having hair like “wool.”3 Furthermore, Jesus was not particularly handsome. Before Jesus was born, men of God prophesied that nothing about Jesus’s physical appearance would attract people to Him.4
Therefore, it can be established that Christianity originated among people of dark skin in the Middle East. It spread through the Roman Empire, Africa, and Europe. Subsequently, through colonization, it was introduced to the Americas. Later, it was further developed in Africa and Asia by local church communities, as well as European and North American missionaries.
Today, Christianity’s center of influence has shifted away from the West, which encompasses Europe, the United States, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. If you want to assign “ownership” by the number of worshippers in a particular region, Christianity is no longer a Western but an African religion. The continent of Africa leads the world in the number of Christians, with over 631 million followers.5 In second place is Latin America, with about 602 million Christians.6
While Christianity is growing elsewhere, it is experiencing a rapid decline in the West. While Europe, Canada, and the United States have about 700 million people who identify as Christians, the number is deceiving, as only a minority attend church services. About 80% of people who consider themselves “Christians” in Europe do not practice Christianity in any way.7 In 2019, 65% of Americans identified themselves as “Christian,” down from 78% in 2013.8 Attendance in churches in North America and Europe is plummeting. Church attendance in many European countries is in the single digits as a percentage of the population. Quoting Stephen Bullivant, a professor at St. Mary’s University in London, “Christianity as a default, as a norm, is gone in Europe, and probably gone for good, or at least the next hundred years.”9 In the U.K., while 930,000 people regularly attend services in Islamic Mosques, only 509,000 attend services in the Church of England (Anglican).10
The Christian church in Canada is in a dire state. Only one in three Canadian adults between the ages of 18 and 34 who attended church as children still attend. Of those who have stopped attending church, only half identify as Christian.11 There are 295 million Christians in Asia, but the churchgoing population probably exceeds that in the West.12 Almost all the world’s largest churches are outside the U.S.A. and Europe. This further reflects that Christians in the West are, in fact, Christianity’s new minority.13 As well, many “traditional” Western churches are dominated by worshippers from outside Western nations. Africans comprise two-thirds of the Anglican Church.14 Today, only 24% of Catholics live in Europe, while Latin America leads with 39%.15
Additionally, Christianity is by far the world’s most persecuted religion.16 Historical estimates state that over 70 million people have died defending Christianity, and today, 360 million people face terrible persecution because they follow it. Open Doors estimates that one in seven Christians worldwide face persecution for their faith.17 Christian persecution in many areas, including the Middle East, is approaching genocidal levels. As Christians flee persecution, their communities that have existed for centuries are disappearing in countries such as Iraq, Iran, and Syria. Incredibly, this persecution is not reported in Western media.

A Brief History of the Bible

The Bible was written between approximately 1,200 B.C. and 150 A.D. It is the bestselling book in history, having sold approximately 5 billion copies.18 Like the holy books of other faiths, the Bible claims that its teaching is not human but divinely inspired. Over approximately 1,300 years, about forty men and women contributed to the writing of the Bible.19
The Bible is divided into two major parts: the “Old Testament” and the “New Testament.” The Old Testament comprises 39 individual “books” that detail the history of creation and the early history of the ancient Jewish people. It also includes rules for living, prophecies about the future, poetry, and wise sayings. The Old Testament teaches that God presented Himself to a man named Abraham and by doing so, became the God of Abraham and his family.
Through Abraham’s son Issac, Abraham’s descendants became known as the Jewish people. God spoke to the Jewish people through “prophets.” God appointed prophets to speak His word to His people. God also spoke directly to the leaders of the Jews, such as Moses and King David. The Jewish people still use the Old Testament as their holy book, referring to it as the “Tanakh.”
The New Testament discusses the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. His first name was Jesus, a familiar name at the time. He was referred to as Christ because, as His followers believed, He was the Messiah or the Promised One. Jesus’ ministry began when He was about thirty years old and lasted about three years. He was executed by being nailed to a Roman cross.20 Christians follow the teachings of both the Old and New Testaments. In the Old Testament, God is the God of the Jewish people only. In the New Testament, Jesus’s followers brought God to the Gentiles, that is, people who were not Jews. Thus, as the Christian faith spread, God became the God of everyone.
The New Testament consists of 27 books and letters. The letters are sometimes referred to as epistles. These letters were written to a specific group to address particular issues. The New Testament contains teachings essential to the Christian faith. In later years, scholars divided the books and letters of the Bible into chapters to help facilitate the finding of specific biblical texts. These chapters were further divided into verses. A verse can be a sentence, a few sentences, or even part of a sentence. When I quote the Bible, I will reference its source. For example; “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

John 3:16 indicates that the quote originates from the book of John, which is part of the New Testament and found in Chapter 3, verse 16. It is easy to take a Bible and look up verses with precise information about the location.

The Validity of the Bible

Why do Christians revere the Bible and view it as “absolute truth?” Christians and Jews believe that when the writers of the Old and New Testaments wrote, they did so under the influence of God. God directly communicated with the writers, shaping their thoughts as they wrote. God breathed out His words on the authors.21
The belief that human writing can be divinely inspired is familiar to other religions. Every holy book is authored by people who claim a link to a creator. For example, Muslims believe that Mohammed wrote the Quran under the influence of Allah.22 Thus, Muslims believe that the Quran is ultimately the words of Allah. Hindus believe that the Vedas were divinely inspired, although humans wrote them. Mormons believe that Joseph Smith found gold plates at his farm on which God wrote their holy book, the “Book of Mormon.” Mormons believe that Smith copied the contents of the plates before the angels took them back to Heaven.
Because Christians believe that God inspires the Bible, it has authority, and people can’t alter it. However, many people today view the Bible as biased, flawed, and not relevant to today’s society. Many churches believe they can accept, reject, or reinterpret their teachings as they see fit. As a result, Christianity is, theologically, a bit of a chaotic mess. The stance of this book is that the Bible is from God and, therefore, uniquely authoritative.
The early Christian church developed a principle to validate a text as authentic and authoritative. Only books written by or dictated by apostles were accepted as legitimate teaching. An apostle refers to those whom Jesus personally commissioned to preach. The apostles included Christ’s twelve disciples and Paul. There was one exception, Luke. He was a physician who interviewed Christ’s disciples and several reliable witnesses to create the most detailed record of Jesus’ life and teachings, as well as the history of the early church. His books were named “Luke” and “Acts.” Other books, added much later by the Catholic Church, such as the Book of Tobit, are not acknowledged by non-Catholic faith expressions as they did not originate from the apostles.
Although scattered and utterly independent of each other, the early churches followed this principle as a criterion for validating biblical texts. When churches became more organized, there was no dispute about the contents of the New Testament. There is one exception: the book of Revelation. The “Revelation to the Apostle John,” the last book of the Bible, is rejected as legitimate by the Eastern Orthodox Church.
Finally, Christians are confident that today’s Bible is true to what the authors originally wrote. In the last book of the Bible, “Revelation,” there is a warning that God will curse those who add to or alter the words of the Bible. Through the centuries, Christians have heeded that warning. Some churches might ignore or contradict parts of the Bible, but they have not altered the original text. The Bible is, by far, the most thoroughly verified ancient book in history. More manuscripts, that is, ancient copies, support the Bible than any other ancient writing. The New Testament has over 5,600 manuscripts that support its accuracy. On the other hand, the number of ancient manuscripts supporting ancient Greek and Roman authors, such as Plato, Aristotle, and Julius Caesar, ranges from one to twenty, except for Homer’s Iliad, which has 643.23 This uniquely large number of supporting manuscripts gives Christians confidence that the Bible is true to what the authors originally wrote.

The Translations of the Bible

The Old Testament was written in Hebrew, and the New Testament was originally written in ancient Greek. Hebrew was the language of the Jewish people, and ancient Greek (Koine Greek) was the common language spoken in the Eastern Mediterranean regions where Judea was located. Many people have translated the Bible from the original Hebrew and Greek into the English language. Each translation has a different name. In general, there is very little difference between them except for the style of the language.
The most popular translations of the Bible are the “King James Version (KJV)” and the “New International Version (NIV).” The King James Version (KJV) of the Bible was translated from the original Greek and Hebrew texts under the patronage of King James I of England. It was published in 1611 and was by far the most popular English translation until the NIV was published in 1978. It is regarded as an excellent translation.
However, the KJV is in the style of English spoken over 500 years ago, and for many people, it is difficult to understand; it is akin to reading Shakespeare. One of the arguments for continuing to use the KJV is that the version of English spoken at that time was more precise than English is today. Thus, if one is comfortable reading an old version of the English language, one might gain a deeper understanding of the text compared to other translations written in a more modern style of the English language.
As an alternative, a significant effort was made to create a more modern version of the Bible, known as the New International Version (NIV). It was translated from the original Greek and Hebrew into the version of the English language that we speak today. It claims to feature the best combination of accuracy and readability.
Since its release in 1978, the NIV has gained popularity and is now the best-selling translation, followed closely by the King James Version.24 This book quotes from the New International Version. In addition to the King James Version and the New International Version, there are several other English translations. While they do not contradict each other in terms of doctrine, the style and sophistication of the English used can vary.
The KJV and NIV have “authority” because they were created by translating the original texts written in the original Hebrew and Greek languages. On the contrary, some “translations” create an “updated” version of the Bible from older translations such as the King James Version. They are, in fact, translations of a translation.

The Bible as our “Owner’s Manual”

Many people misrepresent the teachings of Christ and what is written in the Bible. Others, including Christians, are not well-versed in the Bible. I struggled for years with the challenge of presenting the wisdom of the Bible in a way that made it accessible and demonstrated its application to our lives. Eventually, I received what I believed was an answer. It came in the form of a sudden revelation. Sometimes, life’s great revelations happen in the weirdest circumstances and are unexpected, hitting you like a lightning bolt on a clear sunny day.
In my case, it was a hot, humid summer evening in Northern Ontario. I was by myself at my cabin on a small lake 150 miles north of Toronto. I had finished splitting wood for the winter, had a swim, and a steak ready for the BBQ when the phone rang. My neighbor and good friend Rick told me that his ex-wife’s house in the city was on fire. Fortunately, his ex-wife, children, and Max, the family cat, had escaped unharmed. Having had a few drinks, he needed me to drive him to his teenage son and daughter. The children were shaken but doing fine, and Rick was told not to hurry.
Rick is a physically attractive and charming fellow who enjoys socializing and having a good time with friends. He framed his request as a “road trip” with his pal “Billy.” I would even get to drive his expensive turbocharged six-speed sports car! In less than five minutes, I was behind the wheel, marveling at the soft blue lights of the instrument panel, listening to the whir of the turbocharger. I put the car into first gear, released the clutch, and felt the car surge forward with an intensity entirely foreign to someone who drove a Toyota Corolla.
While I was driving down the highway, at a speed somewhat faster than the speed limit, the low gas warning light began flashing. In the rush, Rick suddenly realized he had forgotten his wallet; therefore, I would have to buy the gas. Now, I’m a little “cheap,” so when I grabbed the pump nozzle, I automatically grabbed the one for “regular” gas.
“No, Bill!” Rick exclaimed, “It takes high-octane!” At that time, high-octane was about 15 cents a liter more than regular, which is equivalent to about 60 cents per US gallon. What followed was a short, good-natured banter about my cheapness, which ended when Rick pulled out the owner’s manual.
“This,” he announced, “is the owner’s manual, created by the people who designed and built this car! They know every screw! And because they know every screw, they know what you have to do to keep it running the best it can. And they say to put in ‘supreme.’ So do it!”
You can’t argue with an owner’s manual, so I began filling Rick’s car with liquid gold when this revelation came over me! I realized that I own a lot of owner’s manuals. I even bought a plastic bucket that came with a one-page “owner’s manual.” Doing life, why don’t humans have an owner’s manual? Life involves many significant decisions, some that will shape the course of our lives and others that may impact the lives of our descendants. Yet, many of us stumble through life, doing the best we can by trial and error, with no real direction, goals, or awareness of what we must do to build a life that will bring us satisfaction and joy.
Then I realized we do have an owner’s manual! It is called the Bible! Like engineers know the car they design, God has perfect knowledge of humans and human nature, because He designed and created us. I concluded that God gave us the Bible for two purposes. First, to show us how to be reconciled to Him and enjoy a perfect eternity. The second is to show us how to live happy lives while on earth and build a prosperous society. Thus, the Christian guidelines for living life must be excellent because they flow from God’s perfect understanding of the beings He created. The Bible is our ultimate “owner’s manual,” our ultimate guide to life!
Furthermore, if the Bible is humanity’s “owner’s manual,” the guidelines it sets down must be universal; that is, they apply to everybody, Christian or not. They must also stand the test of time and be applicable across cultures. The Bible’s teachings should be verified by social research.
As I reflected on this, I began to realize that many of my non-religious friends and family who are happy follow the Bible’s teaching in critical aspects of their lives. Even though they have never read the Bible or know what it says, they live in harmony with their God-created nature. They do what works and, as a result, lead happy and fulfilled lives.
The gas pump clicked, and this revelation was suddenly over. It was time to get back on the road. But those two minutes at the pump made me realize that the Bible is the most brilliant “self-help” book ever written. It offers a path to a fulfilled spiritual life through a relationship with God and a compelling blueprint for a good life that can benefit everybody. The teachings of the Bible create the foundation for a prosperous society.
To begin, how can we describe human nature? A practical way of understanding human nature is to ask, “In the long run, what ultimately makes people happy?” How do the people who call themselves “happy” live differently from the “unhappy?” When we are old and looking back at our lives, what will be essential to us? What will define a life well-lived? These questions have been the subject of many scientific studies, and the answer is consistent. We are created beings designed to be in close relationships; therefore, when our basic needs are satisfied, the quality of our intimate interpersonal relationships matters.
Throughout the book, I will often illustrate Christian teachings with examples of the life experiences of people I know and have known. Their names and some of the story’s details are changed to protect their privacy. None of the details of the examples are fictionalized and have been depicted accurately to the best of my recollection. Often, I include examples of some non-religious people to demonstrate that, whether you are religious or not, the teachings of Jesus have universal application.

Chapter 3

3. Revealing The Secret of Human Happiness

“Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.” Soren Kierkegaard

What determines and defines whether a life lived will be happy? Since God created us, He should be the ultimate authority on human nature and the pursuit of a good life. Furthermore, His teachings should be verifiable through social science, where possible. Knowledge of the source of human happiness from social science allows us to evaluate the relevance of the Bible or any book that claims to improve our lives by how closely it addresses the essence of human happiness. What lifestyles, experiences, and accomplishments have social science determined to divide those who will look back on their lives with contentment versus those who will look back on their lives with regret?
Albert Einstein famously said, “If I had an hour to find a solution to a problem, I would spend 55 minutes defining the problem correctly and five minutes solving it.” This chapter, inspired by Einstein’s “55 minutes,” explores the question of human happiness that the Bible must address to be relevant to successful living.
A considerable amount of time, money, and effort has been invested in discovering the roots of human happiness. Social science has studied human happiness, and its conclusions are consistent. Quality interpersonal relationships determine the measure of our life’s joy, health, and longevity. How can we have any faith in this conclusion? The history of the most definitive study on human happiness is as fascinating as its findings. It provides confidence and faith in the validity of its discoveries.

A 75-year Harvard study interviewed a diverse group of men throughout their lives to determine the basis of lifetime happiness. The investigation was started in 1938 by Arlie Bock and involved 268 Harvard sophomores, including a young John Kennedy.25 These men had unrealized potential and were yet to shape their futures. Regularly, researchers interviewed these men face-to-face to learn about the current state of their lives. The researchers administered medical tests at each interview to assess the subject’s health. The interviews concluded with the participant’s death. A few became wealthy and famous, such as President Kennedy; however, most men lived unremarkable lives. The Gleuck Study expanded on the findings of the Harvard study. They added some diversity, including 456 impoverished inner-city youth from Boston. The Harvard study is still ongoing under a new generation of leadership. It now includes women and subjects from different ethnic and racial groups. Despite being more “inclusive,” the conclusions have not changed.
The study concluded that the quality of our intimate relationships has a significant influence on our overall happiness. It defined intimate relationships as family and close friends. Close friends are those with whom we can be vulnerable, share personal disclosures, and receive support and companionship. Money, fame, power, or the number of acquaintances had a negligible impact once our “basic needs” of food, shelter, and so on, are met.26 Furthermore, the strength and quality of an individual’s interpersonal relationships were the primary factors enabling participants to overcome life’s disappointments and setbacks.

The study demonstrated that quality relationships have a positive physical impact. They promote health and protect our bodies and minds in old age. Men in their fifties who were satisfied with their relationships were the fittest as they entered their eighties. One of the study’s directors, George Vaillant, stated, “The key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships.”27 Another study by the University of New Hampshire revealed that loneliness is as lethal as alcoholism and smoking fifteen cigarettes daily.28 They also discovered that men and women in happy marriages are less likely to have mood swings and enjoy better memory function as they age. On the flip side, the lonely live shorter lives and are more prone to illnesses.
A 2010 study, again conducted by Princeton University, focused on the impact of money on happiness. Like the Harvard study, the Princeton study concluded that happiness depends on the strength of our close interpersonal relationships. It proved that having a middle-class family income of $75,000 in 2010 ($86,000 in 2023) was optimal for happiness.29 The stresses of not having enough money begin to kick in below that. However, incomes above $75,000 did not impact life satisfaction. They determined that too much focus on acquiring wealth and building careers detracts from overall life satisfaction.30 It also concluded that people who fare the best lean into building relationships. These individuals make a concerted effort to cultivate new friendships and nurture existing ones. The study noted that the happiest retirees were those who strove to replace workmates with people with whom they could socialize and engage in recreational activities.
These research studies establish that humans thrive in intimate relationships. That is our nature and essence. So, we can surmise that for the Bible to be relevant to improving our lives, it must also fully address the questions, “What essential relationships form the basis of a happy and fulfilled life, and how do we create and nurture these relationships?” This question is answered in the Bible.
The Bible teaches us how to cultivate and nurture seven significant relationships that are crucial to our happiness: our relationship with God, our spouse, our money, our children, our family and friends, our bodies, and society. This book prioritizes them based on their emphasis on the Bible. Furthermore, the Bible is unique among books that attempt to improve our lives. Most self-help books focus on individual subjects, such as spirituality, marriage, parenting, friendships, and finances. The Bible presents a holistic approach to discussing all the relationships necessary for a fulfilled life and how they are interconnected and impact one another.
Additionally, Jesus’s teachings do not prescribe specifics such as “date nights” with your partner. Jesus talked about changing our hearts or basic attitudes so we naturally do the right things at the right time. Finally, as previously mentioned, Christians and Jews believe that the Bible is unique because God inspired it.
For both non-Christians and Christians, the quality of our relationships determines whether we will look back on our lives with regret or contentment. The principles taught in the Bible can be applied to everyone. The difference is that Christians will live their lives in a relationship with God, giving their lives rich meaning and purpose. This relationship will help them overcome the hardships we all endure. When Christians die, they will go to Heaven, which is unimaginably wonderful. For this reason, establishing a relationship with God is our priority.

The Chorus of Human Happiness

How is the day-to-day enjoyment of relationships linked to lifelong happiness? Why should we intentionally engage in interpersonal activities with friends and family, such as going for a walk, having coffee, or sharing lunch, when most of these interactions will be forgotten? Why does spending quality time with friends or family contribute to our well-being? When a child forgets 95% of everything a parent or grandparent does for them, why should we spend so much time and resources entertaining them? I discovered an answer to these questions from my father, who came to the Christian faith later in life. His words forever changed how I conducted myself.
My Dad, Bill Petrie Sr., was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September 1984 and given two to eight weeks to live. Dad’s prognosis was devastating. He was a good-looking sixty-year-old, worked out regularly, did not smoke or drink, and was careful about his diet. Ten years before Dad’s diagnosis, my parents divorced. Despite being close growing up, when my father remarried and pursued a new life which we did not have a significant role. Thus, we rarely saw Dad. This estrangement was difficult for us to deal with, but since we had little choice in the matter, we had to get on with our lives.
At the time of his illness and death, I was 27 years old and recently divorced from my first wife. Career-wise, I worked as a systems engineer for a major computer manufacturer. I was completing a Master of Business Administration at night, while my brother was pursuing his M.B.A. full-time at a school about four hours away. My brother and I resolved that we would spend as much time as we could with Dad before he died.
Three weeks before his death, after planning his funeral with the local undertaker, Dad and I drove back to his home in the countryside. Initially, when he asked me to accompany him, I was apprehensive. We did not have a great rapport. To add to this, planning a funeral while the subject of that funeral was standing beside me was a little disconcerting.
It was deathly quiet on the return trip. To break the silence, I built up the courage to ask him a question. “Did you have a good life?” I thought Dad would tell me that his life had been good, and then I would encourage him to share the good experiences he had. I hoped that this would start some positive conversation between us.
To my surprise, Dad thought about the answer awhile and replied in a soft, sad voice, “Not really.”
Dad slumped further into the seat, with his head hanging down as he explained the response. It became evident from his explanation that this question was one he had given considerable thought and reflection. What he told me would change the way I lived my life permanently.
“Bill, I put my focus on all the wrong things.”
Dad told me that accumulating simple, everyday interpersonal experiences contributes to a good life. These experiences involve those we love and close, intimate friends. They may seem small and insignificant at the time, but they enrich our lives without us realizing it. These experiences might be as simple as taking a walk with your wife, reading with your child, having dinner with good friends, or going for a walk in the park with a friend. You might forget the vast majority of these simple experiences, but they are essential for a good life. Dad clarified this with a beautiful metaphor I will never forget.

He said that each of these positive experiences is like an individual voice in a choir. You cannot hear a particular singer’s voice in a choir, but each voice is essential as it contributes to the overall sound. Like an individual voice in a choir, those forgotten experiences, sitting somewhere in your subconscious, will have a cumulative impact. Then, when you look back on your life, you will find a warm harmony, which will serve as an affirmation that it has been good. For example, you will eventually forget most childhood experiences with parents, family, and friends. Still, if they are positive and plentiful, you will remember your childhood and say, “It was good.” Even if it had challenges.
The power of the subconscious became clearer to me when I was at the deathbed of an elderly man I once knew many years ago. He suddenly sat up and becan reciting a speech he gave in the 1930’s to the Board of Directors of a company he led at that time. The brain is an incredible and complex thing. What impacts the programming of our subconscious for happiness?
Dad explained that we have a choice in how we live. A choice we must make daily. Building a good life comes from seizing each day and engaging with family and friends face-to-face. By doing so, you add voices to the choir of your life and enrich the lives of others. It’s a proactive, daily effort. Once you start, life soon feels better. However, this requires turning off the television, video games, and social media, stepping away from the desk, and intentionally creating experiences. He emphasized that the voices in the choir of life have nothing to do with positions, promotions, power, bucket lists, or attending big parties with acquaintances. A good life is built on the quality of your relationships, not the quantity. It’s better to have deep, meaningful connections with family and a close group of friends than to be widely known and liked by many or to be famous.

He stressed that building our choir through positive individual experiences will create beauty in our lives that will counter the sad events and disappointments. When tragedies or setbacks occur, they do so in the context of a happy life. When disappointments arise, you will appreciate those who love you and the good times you have had with them. You will know that you are not alone. This established happiness allows us to cope with these disappointments from a position of strength. Dad warned me that my life would have its share of hardships and disappointments, as all lives do. Jesus said that we will all face tribulation in this world.31 Dad concluded that he had spent too much time working and focusing on his career. This wasted time detracted from his relationships, and the size of his choir couldn’t overcome his life’s disappointments, hardships, and sadness.
Dad stressed to me that I should identify and minimize activities that steal time, eventually taking away my life. Such wasteful activities become habits. With tired, sad eyes, he looked at me and said, “Bill, you are young, but one day, you will realize that life slips away faster than you could ever imagine. Grab hold of it now.”
His funeral service at the local church mirrored the truths of the Harvard, Gluek, and Princeton studies. It also reflected his final words to me on that drive home from the undertaker. To my surprise, there was an overflow of mourners at the funeral. People filled the church and crowded the lobby. Many people liked Dad, which was not surprising, given his likable nature. However, by his admission, he lacked the quality relationships that would have given him a happy life.
My brother and I were an example of this lack of quality intimate relationships in his life. When we tried to reach the two front rows, which were reserved for family and close friends, they were full. We were told to find seats in the back pews. My brother protested, saying, “We’re his sons!” However, this did not seem to matter. We surmised that people did not know about us, or none of these people liked us very much, since we had been distant from our father in recent years.
Not wanting to make a scene, we walked to the back of the church. While the packed church indicated that he was well thought of by many people, by his admission, he lacked sufficient positive experiences with family and close friends that were the necessary foundation of his choir. After all, his sons were sitting at the back of the church at their father’s funeral. However, I felt better where we were. We had been in the “back row” of his life for the past few years. A life that was largely unfamiliar to my brother and me. Still, one that was certainly more significant to Dad and the people gathered there than the past life he had shared with us.